^{Psalm 139:13}For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. ¹⁴I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works;my soul knows it very well. ¹⁵My frame was not hidden from you,when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. ¹⁶Your eyes saw my unformed substance;in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.

You're in control...I know it and I believe that it's true

But I bob and I weave, and entangle for myself a mess to unglue

Is it my fault? Is it your fault? Are we gonna pull through?

I wish to hell that I knew, cause such a place for me, is nothing new

^{Proverbs 4:1}Hear, O sons, a father’s instruction, and be attentive, that you may gain insight, ²for I give you good precepts; do not forsake my teaching. ³When I was a son with my father, tender, the only one in the sight of my mother, ⁴he taught me and said to me, "Let your heart hold fast my words; keep my commandments, and live. ⁵Get wisdom; get insight; do not forget, and do not turn away from the words of my mouth. ⁶Do not forsake her, and she will keep you; love her, and she will guard you. The beginning of wisdom is this: Get wisdom, and whatever you get, get insight.
⁸Prize her highly, and she will exalt you; she will honor you if you embrace her. ⁹She will place on your head a graceful garland; she will bestow on you a beautiful crown."

"Get wisdom." I guess you could say this has been my pursuit the last few weeks. It started, for me, as I was reading through James to prepare for a new teaching series at my home church... Proverbs 1:5 "If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him." After reading this it hit me...I lack wisdom.

Wisdom to lead, wisdom to make good decisions, wisdom to accomplish the things God has set before me...I lack wisdom. So I ask, and I encourage you to do the same, "God give wisdom."

I Am A Fake.

I am a fake, an impostor, intruding on the life of another

Another more true to himself, another more REAL

I listen, I hear, and then I speak the words of deceit as if they were my own.

Who am I hiding, what am I so ashamed of?

Who am I hiding from?

Let's delve.

I think we all just take ourselves too seriously. I mean honestly, in view of just how big this world is how much do I, do you, really matter? Please don't get me wrong, I know you and I, and we all serve an important purpose. That our lives have great meaning and great consequence to how we live them...but I'm over the mindset that it all hangs on my shoulders.

Can we be honest with each other for a moment? I'm not a big deal. I get caught up in my stuff, which I think are the biggest things in the world, and everything, everyone else becomes a means to an end. Everything in my life becomes a tool for me to use, but when did we become so superficial...so fake?

What happened to humility? What happened to servitude? What happened to genuine, real relationships?

I'm starting over...let's delve.

Hebrews 6:9-20 9Though we speak in this way, yet in your case, beloved, we feel sure of better things—things that belong to salvation. ¹⁰For God is not unjust so as to overlook your work and the love that you have shown for his name in serving the saints, as you still do. ¹¹And we desire each one of you to show the same earnestness to have the full assurance of hope until the end, ¹²so that you may not be sluggish, but imitators of those who through faith and patience inherit the promises.

 ¹³For when God made a promise to Abraham, since he had no one greater by whom to swear, he swore by himself, ¹⁴saying, "Surely I will bless you and multiply you." ¹⁵And thus Abraham, having patiently waited, obtained the promise. ¹⁶For people swear by something greater than themselves, and in all their disputes an oath is final for confirmation. ¹⁷So when God desired to show more convincingly to the heirs of the promise the unchangeable character of his purpose, he guaranteed it with an oath, ¹⁸so that by two unchangeable things, in which it is impossible for God to lie, we who have fled for refuge might have strong encouragement to hold fast to the hope set before us. ¹⁹We have this as a sure and steadfast anchor of the soul, a hope that enters into the inner place behind the curtain, ²⁰where Jesus has gone as a forerunner on our behalf, having become a high priest forever after the order of Melchizedek.

So. If we are the "heirs of the promise" then the "unchangeable character of his purpose" is guaranteed by His word, by which it is impossible for God to lie. 

I don't want to be the sluggish, the content, the one who doesn't finish well. I want to endure, to persevere until the end like the patriarchs of our faith have done before us. I want to be the one, who with earnestness pushes forward and receives the promise of the Father, but just as much I want to run the race well. 

He says in this passage that God is not unjust to overlook our work on this earth, the love that we extend to others, and that we should show the same endurance until the end. Our good works don't lead to our salvation, but our deeds are all we have to confirm the work of Christ in our hearts on this earth. They will know us as followers of Christ, as His disciples, by the love that we give to each other and to the world. The ultimate work of Christ on the cross, His atoning sacrifice was not to abolish injustice, it was to bring salvation, to redeem us. However, I do believe one of the largest bi-products of His work of grace and love is that we, the redeemed, then mirror that sacrifice and establish His kingdom on this earth to rid the world of injustice, to fight poverty, to love the unlovely, to care for the widow, and let love be our guide.

What gives us strength to endure is the hope that we have in the promise of God. He wants us to have the "full assurance of hope" until the very end. "This hope we have as an anchor of the soul, a hope both sure and steadfast" (NASB). It is that Jesus has already endured, already received the promise, He's already entered into the promise as a "forerunner on our behalf." 

This hope has anchored our souls to the firm foundation of the unwavering character and purpose of God himself...we are secure.

WE WILL ENDURE.

You ever get the feeling that we're just too busy for our own good? One thing is for sure, anything that I don't make the time for in my life, good or bad, important or not, will not get time.

Time is short. Time is precious. Time is money. Time is valuable. 

I think the most important tool one could master is the art of time management. Sometimes I'm stellar, most of the time I'm not.

^{1 John 5:14}This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. ¹⁵And if we know that he hears us—whatever we ask—we know that we have what we asked of him.

So I guess that I have a hard time approaching God with confidence. Maybe it's the whole "fear of God" aspect, maybe it's me worrying that I'm not really asking according to His will, and maybe I just don't "know that I have" what I'm asking of Him. 

I took some courses on faith in school. They talked a lot about "the prayer of faith", and my "confession of faith", and "standing on faith", and thanking God in advance for what I may not have received yet, because it's easy to thank Him for what I already have, that doesn't take faith. It's not so much that I have a problem with these mindsets or practices...it's just that I haven't seen them be that effective in my life. 

I grew up around what I would call "reckless faith." My grandfather was a healing evangelist that traveled all over the world preaching revivals and healing crusades and the whole nine. I can recall being in tent meetings as a young boy and seeing insane, miraculous healing, and very real miracles taking place almost as normal occurrence, rather than a sporadic phenomenon that blew our minds from time to time. I saw people truly believing God to do things that were beyond anything man could ever do...I witnessed people approaching God with confidence that He was hearing them, and that they really did have what they were asking for, according to His will.

So I guess my real question, and the heart of this post is...

Why not me? Why aren't the sick healed when I pray for them? Why don't the lame walk? Why don't the blind see? Why don't the deaf hear? Why don't the dead rise? Why the hell can't I walk on water!?!

It's not so much that I'm power hungry, as much as I'm hungry to see His power on display! I consider myself a willing, and ready vessel to be used and I'm down to just reflect the glory back to where it's due, it's definitely not for me. Regardless of how imbalanced most of the teaching I grew up on was, I saw God at work in the midst of people who were confident in one thing...God.

So if you were looking for encouragement in this posting...I'm sorry. Cause if I'm being completely honest with you and myself...

I have questions.

^{1 John 2:3}We know that we have come to know him if we obey his commands. ⁴The man who says, "I know him," but does not do what he commands is a liar, and the truth is not in him. ⁵But if anyone obeys his word, God's love is truly made complete in him. This is how we know we are in him: ⁶Whoever claims to live in him must walk as Jesus did.

I guess my entire life's pursuit has been to please the Father, you know, the ultimate would be to hear, "well done my good and faithful servant." Yet even more I'd say that I've spent the majority of my life just trying to get it right...fighting off the condemnation that comes when I drop the ball and realizing that His work was not to condemn me but to save me. But still, if I don't obey, then I don't fully know or understand His love?

So where's the balance? 

I think what I'm realizing now more than ever, is that what comes naturally as a result of His love being made complete in me, is a heart of obedience. It's a natural response to receiving love. Rules aren't rules, laws aren't laws, I'm not faced with a laundry list of do's and don'ts...only with the reality of what will be my response to receiving the love of Christ.

^{1 John 3:1}How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! The reason the world does not know us is that it did not know him. ²Dear friends, now we are children of God, and what we will be has not yet been made known. But we know that when he appears, we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is. ³Everyone who has this hope in him purifies himself, just as he is pure.

So the appropriate response to a love so real that He calls us His sons & daughters, is that we will live pure, that we will look a little more like Jesus. Well isn't that what a Christian means...to be Christ-like? So why do we always miss the point?

My goal is not to follow the letter of the law, it's to live a life of obedience as a result of the love that I have received when I accept that I am a son of God. It's in this heart of obedience that His love is made complete and we begin to look a little more like Christ.