these are the life and rhymes...of mine inspired

^{1 John 5:14}This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. ¹⁵And if we know that he hears us—whatever we ask—we know that we have what we asked of him.

So I guess that I have a hard time approaching God with confidence. Maybe it's the whole "fear of God" aspect, maybe it's me worrying that I'm not really asking according to His will, and maybe I just don't "know that I have" what I'm asking of Him. 

I took some courses on faith in school. They talked a lot about "the prayer of faith", and my "confession of faith", and "standing on faith", and thanking God in advance for what I may not have received yet, because it's easy to thank Him for what I already have, that doesn't take faith. It's not so much that I have a problem with these mindsets or practices...it's just that I haven't seen them be that effective in my life. 

I grew up around what I would call "reckless faith." My grandfather was a healing evangelist that traveled all over the world preaching revivals and healing crusades and the whole nine. I can recall being in tent meetings as a young boy and seeing insane, miraculous healing, and very real miracles taking place almost as normal occurrence, rather than a sporadic phenomenon that blew our minds from time to time. I saw people truly believing God to do things that were beyond anything man could ever do...I witnessed people approaching God with confidence that He was hearing them, and that they really did have what they were asking for, according to His will.

So I guess my real question, and the heart of this post is...

Why not me? Why aren't the sick healed when I pray for them? Why don't the lame walk? Why don't the blind see? Why don't the deaf hear? Why don't the dead rise? Why the hell can't I walk on water!?!

It's not so much that I'm power hungry, as much as I'm hungry to see His power on display! I consider myself a willing, and ready vessel to be used and I'm down to just reflect the glory back to where it's due, it's definitely not for me. Regardless of how imbalanced most of the teaching I grew up on was, I saw God at work in the midst of people who were confident in one thing...God.

So if you were looking for encouragement in this posting...I'm sorry. Cause if I'm being completely honest with you and myself...

I have questions.